We Regret to Inform You
by Soraya the All Speaker
Summary: He left them behind. It broke her, and took something extraordinary to bring her back. Oneshot.


This was originally two drabbles in my story Tales of the Leaves, that I decided to combine into a oneshot.

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><p>We Regret to Inform You<p>

"Are you sure you have to go?" Tsunade asked for the umpteenth time, placing a hand on Jiraiya's shoulder. "Sarutobi-_sensei_ can't just…"

"Yes, I'm sure," the white-haired man told her, turning around. "Konoha needs me on the front lines, especially if they can't have you." He placed a hand on her abdomen, barely curved with her pregnancy.

"I could still fight –"

"I won't let you." The words were said with finality. "And neither will _sensei_. The new generation is more important than the lives of all of us. You of all people understand that."

"Yes…" she whispered, placing her hand over his. "But that doesn't mean I can't wish to be by your side there."

"I'll be back before you know it, I promise," he told her sincerely, looking her in the eyes. "And before this little one is born."

She nodded mutely, then pulled him close. "It's going to be hard to stay here while you're off gallivanting about," she let out a weak chuckle. "Who's going to keep you in line?"

Jiraiya chuckled as well, wrapping his arms around his wife. "I don't know, I think Kushina would be pretty good at that…"

Tsunade brightened at that suggestion. "Yeah, she'd be sure to keep you on the straight and narrow." Then her eyes welled up once more. "But I won't be there to watch your back."

"I know," he murmured into her hair, stroking a hand down her back. "It's safer for you here though. I wouldn't be able to concentrate if you were on the front lines with me. Besides, I promise to wrap up this whole war on my own, okay?"

With another sniff she pulled back, wiping at her eyes. "See you in a few months then?"

"Of course. Love you." With one last hug he grabbed his bag and headed for the door, stopping to wave goodbye to her before joining the throng of _shinobi_ headed towards the gates of Konoha.

"Love you too," she whispered.

Months passed and Tsunade grew more and more worried as days went by. Every few weeks she would stop by the _Hokage's_ office to look for updates on what was happening on the front lines – and specifically Jiraiya.

She wasn't sure which she wanted more, to know of how he was doing, or to follow the adage – no news is good news.

Sarutobi was oddly accepting of her visits, especially as she began to show more and more. She thought she kept him grounded in his old team – with Jiraiya off fighting, Orochimaru who knows where, and he stuck as _Hokage_, she kept him company.

"Tsunade-_chan_!" he greeted her after four months had passed. To her dismay the war was still going strong, but at least Jiraiya hadn't been sent back home wounded yet. "It's good to see you."

"Sarutobi-_sensei_," she replied, smiling lightly. "How have you been faring?"

"Not as well as I could be, but better than expected," he told her honestly. She could see the changes in him herself, more lines around his eyes and the beginnings of silver in his hair. "And how have you been? And the little one?"

Her eyes lit up at the mention of her child. "We're doing well, thank you _sensei_. It seems this one is determined to take after his father, he kicks so hard."

"It's only going to get stronger," Sarutobi grinned at her. "My wife complained for the last two months before Asuma was born she could feel the bed move every time he kicked."

The blonde woman let out a laugh. "I hope it doesn't get that bad! Although Jiraiya would probably have a field day." Her eyes darkened slightly as she thought of her missing spouse. "Have you heard any news?"

"Only that we won another few victories, holding the line between_ Hi no Kuni_ and _Mizu no Kuni_," he told her soberly. "With the destruction of _Uzu no Kuni_, they've been pushing our borders, and we're hard pressed to keep them back with _Iwagakure _pushing us from the northwest. But he seems to have made a name for himself on the front lines."

"No news is good news?" she asked weakly, leaning back against the wall in order to remain upright.

"With _shinobi_, it's the best kind of news," he confirmed. "Don't worry, Tsunade-_chan_. I'm sure Jiraiya will be back in time to see his child born, and if the war isn't over by then, I'll pull him back myself."

"Thanks, _sensei_." The sentiment was heart-felt. "I better get going, I have some shopping to do so I don't eat myself out of house and home."

"Goodbye, Tsunade-_chan_, and thank you for stopping by." As the blonde woman stepped out the door, Sarutobi turned back to his work, a worried frown marring his forehead.

She was nine months pregnant, and worried sick about her husband. The war had yet to abate, and while she had every confidence in Sarutobi, she knew if Jiraiya's presence on the front lines was a matter of life and death, he wouldn't pull him out. It was the reality of being a _shinobi_.

As she sat at her table eating breakfast, a knock on the door echoed through her house. "I'm not expecting anyone," Tsunade muttered to herself, but got up to check.

Standing outside was an ANBU in full gear, with a scroll held across his chest.

Tsunade's breath caught. She knew what that meant. _Please, please, please don't be…_

"Senju Tsunade," the man started off formally. "We regret to inform you…"

He didn't finish before she collapsed against the doorframe in disbelief.

Time slowed down, sound becoming nonexistent as she stared at the man on her doorstep who had just shattered her world.

It seemed forever she stood there, looking straight ahead, until the man moved towards her, worry in every line of his body. That was when she realized her body was convulsing, wild sobs tearing out of her.

But she felt nothing.

She didn't hear the man's cries of Tsunade-_hime,_ feel his arms come around her in an attempt to keep her upright and from keeling forward to meet the ground. She didn't hear his calls for help, nor the arrival of a medical squad. She didn't see the gawkers on the street, all staring at her with a mixture of curiosity, worry, and pity.

She saw nothing, felt nothing, heard nothing but the keening in her soul, the hollowness in her chest as though her heart had just been ripped out still beating and crushed.

The blonde woman was strapped to a gurney, restraints across her shoulders, arms and legs to keep her from convulsing even more and possibly doing damage to the child in her womb.

Their child. Their child who would now never know his father, never know the great man Jiraiya had been. Their child she would have to raise alone. Alone.

Tsunade stared above her with unseeing eyes as the blue of day turned into the white ceiling of the hospital, as she was rushed through corridors hearing snatches of conversation such as "Gone into shock", "get sedative", "monitor the child". The words were gibberish to her.

The only thing she noticed was when her world changed from the white painful light into the numb darkness that threatened to swallow her. She welcomed it.

The next time she came back to the world of heartache there was someone standing next to her bed. Someone she recognized.

"Will she be able to attend?" his voice asked someone else in the room.

"Physically yes," a woman answered. "Psychologically…it might be more damaging for her to watch."

"She would never forgive me if she missed it," the man admitted, turning back to Tsunade and seeing her eyes were open. "Tsunade-_chan_?"

She looked mutely back, eyes not really focusing, hearing the beeping of monitors in the background.

Sarutobi sighed. It was breaking his own heart to see such a strong woman reduced to this. "Tsunade-_chan_, we're going to have the ceremony to engrave Jiraiya's name on the stone tomorrow; he would want you there. Do you understand?"

A long moment passed, then Tsunade blinked at him and looked away, eyes closing.

She heard another sigh, then footsteps pacing away from her bed. "She'll come."

The next day rain fell nonstop, as though the sky too was crying for the loss of the greatest man she had ever known. Nurses had dressed her in her usual clothes, a waterproof cloak over the ensemble to protect both her and her child from the wet. Sarutobi walked next to her during the procession to the stone, one hand on her waist the whole time. Without him guiding her she was lost.

The ceremony was short and simple, but it brought back memories of the other times she had attended to watch the name of a loved one be carved on a stone. A stone that meant they were never coming back. Tears trickled down her face, mixing with the rain until they were undistinguishable, but she didn't sob. She was too hollow to feel such strong emotion. Tsunade was simply empty.

They remained there after all the other mourners had left, _sensei_ with his arm wrapped around his student, student carrying the child of the deceased.

"Come on, Tsunade-_chan_," Sarutobi said finally. "You need to get inside."

With one last look at the stone, she let him lead her away, back to the hospital where the nurses immediately took charge of her again, cajoling her into eating something warm, wrapping blankets around her shoulders, and checking the heartbeat of the child within her.

"We'd like to keep her here at least until the child is born," one of the nurses told Sarutobi, casting a glance over her shoulder at the unresponsive blonde woman. "For both of their sakes."

"That would probably be for the best," he agreed heavily. "I only hope she's able to overcome this. Jiraiya wouldn't want her reduced to this state."

She spent the rest of the month in an unfeeling daze, either in her bed in the hospital or sitting at a window, looking out. The nurses made sure she went for walks around the hospital occasionally, keeping her somewhat in shape.

When her labor started it wasn't Tsunade who alerted the nurses, but the machines they had strapped to her, picking up the contractions of her stomach and womb.

They bustled around her, changing her into a clean gown, hooking up some more monitors, and moving her into another room, one with birthing supplies.

The world grew hazy to her once again, images and voices fading in and out, as did the pain. Once she saw a nurse hovering over her, saying "You're doing great", another time someone was holding her hand as her body tensed through a contraction.

Mostly she floated in a place just outside her body, looking down quizzically at the blonde woman below her, whose face was streaked with sweat from her body's labor, stomach muscles taut as they fought to expel her child from her womb. People were gathered around her like ants, but the golden eyes looked straight up and ahead, not focusing on anything, not a part of what was happening.

Wisps of conversation met her ears as she hovered there, a nurse situated between the woman's legs as two others held them screaming "Push!" and another counting off "One, two…..five…eight, nine…."They put her legs down after the counting, letting her rest, but the respite didn't last long.

As Tsunade saw the swollen stomach contract once more, they pulled her legs up, one woman's hand pushing at the top of the swell, trying to get the baby to move, to get the non-responsive woman to push.

With a snap she was back in her own body once more, feeling the pain of overworked muscles as they tried to eject her child from her body. Their child.

As the nurses yelled at her to push once again she did so, feeling something within her moving and pressure building.

"…crowning!" she heard, and felt a nearly unbearable pain between her legs. "One more!"

So again she pushed, pressing feet against the woman holding them, desperate for it just to be over so she could stop, so she could rest away from the persistent pain that continued to drag her out of the world of solitude she had built for herself.

Then the pressure was gone, and a thin weedy wail filled the air in the sudden silence left behind. Even as they took the child away, another nurse approached and massaged her abdomen until she felt one last contraction, and it was all over.

"You have a son, Tsunade-_hime_!" came a joyful voice, but Tsunade was too tired to hear where it came from. She was limp as a doll as nurses cleaned her up, sitting her up in the bed once they had finished.

From her left Sarutobi approached, holding in his arms a blue bundle, placing it against her chest. Almost instinctively her arms came up to hold it there, and she looked down.

"Congratulations," he told her quietly as she gazed at the baby's face, not recognizing it. Then his eyes opened and his head moved, dislodging the blanket and revealing a shock of white hair, coupled with obsidian eyes. Tsunade's breath caught at the resemblance.

Their child. He was their child. Part of Jiraiya, the last part she would ever have, and the best.

"Raiden." Her voice was weak from disuse, but they both heard it. "Senju Raiden. My whole world." Involuntarily her hand came out and a finger stroked along the baby's cheek, and he turned towards it instinctively.

A tear tracked its way down her cheek as she looked up at her _sensei_, initiating contact for the first time since she had heard the news. "Our child. My whole world."


End file.
